Some weeks ago was telling my therapist, that maybe I don't have an eating disorder at all. What if I'm just making all of this up?
He said, "You probably have one of the most classic presentations for an eating disorder."
"Maybe I'm just depressed," I argued.
"Oh, you're depressed also. But you definitely have an eating disorder."
I recall that conversation now, because, I thought I was at a stable place, and now here I am again rocked by recent events, turning to food, struggling with control. I'm on the other side of the pendulum, wanting to eat and numb my pain away. I really do turn to food to manage my emotions. No amount of denial can change that.
What I need to do is apply what I have learned in the five months of therapy so far and just exercise discipline. It's like I keep waiting for things to turn in my favour, but I'm not doing the hard work required. I'll need to do that especially now that things are challenging again.
I'm gonna go see if any of my soul sisters are free for a chat. I need their wisdom, some comfort maybe. I'm sure they have gone through this before in their many years of experience.
Before my husband left for work earlier I told him what I wrote in my previous entry. He gave me a hug and said, "We'll get through it together."
And I'm sure we will, it's just painful right now.
2021-12-06.3:27 p.m.
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