seeing stars

writing this while on hold with vodafone broadband support. taylor swift on repeat.

this morning i passed out briefly, when reaching up above the fridge to get little boy his snack. low blood pressure i guess. i got up a few moments later, when little boy lied down on the floor in front of me.

i fasted for a few more hours after that, sixteen hours this leg. i really don't drink enough water. i just cannot be bothered with anything to be honest.

my thoughts are not dominated by food the way they were back in the day when i used to fast, just general anxiety around the whole G situation. i can't bring myself to open up about it to my husband. and anyway he does not do anything. what can he do or say? he just lies with me on the sofa where i normally curl up, and holds me.

i'm embarrassed to have to tell my therapist that all of this is because of that old issue. i am embarrassed that i am still a little child deep down. that's what this is, it's childish and desperate.

just realised that it's nearly 7pm and i still haven't brushed my teeth. what.

2021-11-02.6:35 p.m.
<< | # ! ? | >>