Hello from Dublin. We got here two days ago. Once I finished mopping and hoovering I was able to put our things in the drawers and could relax about the children playing in the house. Our sofa is in storage so I'm waiting for that delivery to be arranged.
Driving here was something else. We had another one of those conversations slash arguments and I just feel tired about it all. Like, so this is what my marriage is. I've explicitly told him what I need but he's not willing to change. And we just go on with our day to day aware of this fact but neither of us will ever leave the other. Like there's just this undercurrent of sadness that I feel, and it will always just be there ready to be brought up at the slightest misunderstanding.
I am happy, I have a lot to be happy about. But there's this. Is it going to carry on until I finally can't take it anymore? What's the point of therapy when I already told my husband what I need to be happy, and he says no.
All I need for him is to be more verbal in expressing his love. It pains me that he won't, and his reason is that he wasn't brought up that way.
It's so basic. It's like saying I'll never want to have sex even though I know that's what he needs to be happy in this marriage and it's a way for him to feel loved. Because I wasn't brought up to like sex.
He wants me to need less. I don't get it. It just brings me to tears even thinking about it.
The marriages I've seen where the woman's needs weren't met, they left. I want to retaliate and show him. That I could, because, I don't want to feel unhappy. Maybe that's what it will take for him to realise I'm not asking for much.
We're covid positive. Right now we are relying on other people to do our shopping for us. There's a lot to do. But we have a sim card now, so at least we can call the energy companies etc.
2022-07-29.4:10 p.m.
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