I had completely forgotten what their house looked like. Maybe raising a child, and then carrying another and pushing that out will do that to you. You lose your memory. They say mothers forget all about the pain of childbirth. I guess we forget a lot of other things too.
And that's true of my whole relationship with that family. I had forgotten somewhat, until about a year ago. When I walked into their home I couldn't remember having gone there six years ago and getting my hair cut by g.
We caught up over tea and while getting half my hair chopped off. G gave my daughter a fringe. It is the CUTEST.
When I returned to my parents' house my mother noticed eldest's hair and said, "I should have cut your hair, I'm your grandma, I know how to cut hair."
A part of me relished seeing her hurt, knowing that her daughter prefers another mother figure than her. But a part of me also knew she would be jealous and that's why I never told her I would be visiting g. She thinks g took the bond that should have been formed between me and her, and now between her and her grandchild.
It's not g's fault. My mother never proved herself to be motherly when I needed her to be. We grew apart and that distance endures to this day. I don't mind letting her feel it. It's vindictive, but I feel a little better. It's hard to forgive.
Maybe my own mother forgot about the pain she caused me. Mothers do forget a lot of things.
2022-02-16.6:32 p.m.
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