Things are better. I decided to eat and not be angry at my husband. And then we talked about what upset me. Reached a compromise. Had incredible, a little out of the ordinary sex. I felt adored, worshipped.
Managed to do online therapy earlier too. Told my therapist about my history of self-harm and the recent thoughts and urges. I confessed my shame. We are working on the feelings wheel and being more granular about my feelings. Deconstructing them and feeling where it is in my body.
We spoke about me, changing. The journey I'm taking, of self-discovery through therapy. Through this process I am realising that I have needs and then demanding those needs, but feeling conflicted. Because I'm at a stage and place in my life where those demands keep being thwarted.
I am not in therapy to be made docile and compliant, but to accept the things I can't change, and develop the skills to navigate the things I can change.
If anyone is interested in the feelings wheel, just google the term. There's a lot of research now about the benefits and the neurobiology behind being able to identify/ deconstruct your feelings in the most granular way. Things like being less likely to develop cancer, and for those who do have cancer, they're more likely to survive if they're able to be more specific about their feelings. It's quite fascinating.
2022-05-23.5:27 p.m.
<< | # ! ? ♥ | >>