I forgot about this journal for a while. Been busy preparing for my driving test, practising 2, 3 hours almost daily the last week. I passed today, first time!
I've been finishing a script. Whole drama around that which happened the other day. None of it was my fault and we now share a common 'enemy' in this experience, but I'm afraid this has pushed A and I further apart. Because yet again I'm coming into something she has previously had 'dibs' on. But if she hadn't done what she did to the guy in charge, I wouldn't have been brought in, to, in effect, replace her.
My paranoia and need to people-please is at a high. I want to cling and have texted A to kind of get her reassurance, but was given none, so I'll back off until we organically bump into each other.
Because so far, I've been making sure that she's still involved in the process to relieve my guilt (even though it wasn't my fault?!), but that's again me taking responsibility for something that's not mine to carry.
Also after something like two weeks we finally had sex last night. I felt very meh about it emotionally. Like I just went through the motions. I don't know. Sex is a great band aid, but, that's exactly all that was.
My eating has been so shit this week so far. I'm talking ~7 hr gaps between meals. I've just been so busy and tired, sleep and writing replaced meals. I did gain 0.4kg from last weigh-in though. I'm sure therapist was relieved.
2022-03-15.8:31 p.m.
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