SG

What the fuck. I have so much anxiety, I feel betrayed. It's no one's fault. I don't know what to do or what to think...

Today someone told me out of nowhere, that, during that time in my 20s when I thought G was out of the house (I rented their spare room for years) for many months and out of the country because she was taking care of her terminally ill sister...

She was in fact in Singapore having an affair, living with a boyfriend. She left her family, her two kids in their 20s, her husband to live with this guy.

Her husband was, is fucking devoted to her. My whole image of her feels so destroyed.

I look/ed up to her so much. I knew she had baggage of course, we all do. But just last week I was talking to her about how a friend of mine was cheating on his wife and also when they were still not married... And I told g, that's the thing when you are with someone who cheated on someone else to be with you, just wait for the same thing to happen to you, too.

She said, yeah.

All that time I didn't know. She experienced it first hand, but she was the cheating party.

She has never pretended to be holier-than-thou. She's always been upfront about making her own mistakes and even now still smelling her past if she thinks about it hard enough and not wanting to go there. Now everything else she has said, vague advice about mistakes and fearing losing her family... It's all making sense.

But I feel so terrible. This must have been what her son felt when - I heard him from my room then- he threw furniture in the kitchen. That must have been when he found out.

In the morning G and her husband explained to me what had happened the night before. But as it turns out, that was a lie. Come to think of it, G was quiet. Danny did all the talking. He did all the lying, to protect G and my perception of her.

I have been idolising her so much all this time. I don't know what to do. She doesn't owe me an explanation but I wish I could talk to her about this, the problem is this time this is about her.


2022-02-20.9:18 p.m.
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