drive up

We finished editing the short film, I expect it'll come back to us at some point though. I read the guidelines for the first time (the producer and director should have done this, I unfortunately didn't even know this pdf existed) as we were about to submit and it said that all music should be original. Well shit. We didn't really have anyone covering sound. We just used royalty free / licensed music from artlist and we worked the shots and voiceover around it. The deadline was in four hours.

I called the producer in a panic. He didn't realise. I called one of our team's ladies who has a catalogue of original music. She sent me a few stuff to use instead. I started overlaying her music on top of our film and playing around with it. I called the Guy In Charge to let him know. He said don't worry. Just submit the film and if it comes back then we will have time then, to sort it.

So there's that.

I wanted to go to my parents and then detour down to G's over the half-term break. We've not been allowed. I got upset and angry over the unfairness of it all, knowing that someone else just went and did the same without even asking. I think I'm over it now. But it was an opportunity to write in my new DBT sheets. The problem behaviour was that when I heard, I skipped a meal, and then became became very snappy to my kids.

I'm starting to think that the move from CBT to DBT isn't a step up, but an alternative way to manage my ED and thoughts, because the CBT failed. Fully aware that this might be paranoia and self-defeating thinking again, so I plan on asking my therapist why exactly we're changing course. Because I thought that after the CBT would be EMDR already. But I guess I'm not there yet. I acknowledge that though. I also acknowledge that my weight has been stable and I have successfully managed to stave off eating disordered behaviour, one way or another. And I made a way to 'fix' the depression by confronting the problem with G.

So yes, I completely validate my progress and efforts. I am just curious about the reasons for DBT because Therapist hadn't mentioned it much before, apart from prior to my conversation with G and he gave me a DBT skills handout to prepare myself for it.

Perhaps the DBT is because I opened up about A and how she has suddenly been different and aloof towards me ever since the hike, when she discovered how close G and I are. I don't know if A is competing or insecure. I have some of those feelings too, admittedly and maybe I'm projecting them towards her. But still, therapist's belief is that I have to check with her, just like I did with G, if she really is feeling negatively about me or if I'm just making it up. I hear DBT is meant to improve interpersonal relationships too. Sigh. Shrug.

I'm going to do some writing today, been asked to do another script for another project for later this year and this one isn't just five minutes so I really have to put the hours and research in.


2022-02-03.10:19 a.m.
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