Regarding the screenplay I wrote last month, things have moved on to the production stages. We had a meeting last night and they created storyboards for it, which was new to me. I guess I saw everything in my head already and can visualise it from the script I wrote, but of course it's their job to translate that into real life.
Filming starts tomorrow. We're all non-professionals and only do this as a hobby but I'm really excited for this short to turn out well.
I must have only had two hours of sleep last night, if that. I blame it on the migraine, then the paracetamol+caffeine tablets I took, also the exercise I did around midnight so I could double my daily target steps to 12k. I kept thinking about my massive to-do list, too. Today I napped but made sure I was awake before 330pm. Yesterday my mistake was napping for an hour until 6pm.
I had trouble with scheduling an online session so told the therapist we should just postpone it. It's a good sign that I can cope without weekly sessions now. I think I am able to manage my emotions now through a lot of distraction and creative outlets.
There are still however, things that trigger a swell in my emotions, and when they do the effects are huge, almost unbearable. These are mostly my abandonment and not-being-loved-enough issues, which I just have to rationalise.
Well, firstly I must acknowledge why my inner child is feeling these things, then use my adult brain to think around it. In the first place, I should really be avoiding those triggers. Actually contact with G is a huge one, but since I can't cut her out of my life, I just have to be sensible. She is the one who first texts me though, sometimes. And then other times she's distant. I have trouble not seeing her as this mother-saviour-caretaker figure so I need to just hold off on replying and then maybe I can think like a normal person. The trouble is, as therapist has said, she has a tendency to want to 'rescue', too and is partly at fault for why this dysfunctional, enmeshed relationship was born, and why it perpetuates. But mostly I think that's on me.
It was reassuring to me when she said she would never actually abandon me, but I wish I could have said, But, can you see why I thought that you did? Can you admit that you were also in the wrong and helped create this problem?
Anyway, I think to help make me less vulnerable to mood swings, therapist is making sure I have good sleeping and eating habits. Although I want to just get on with things, I understand why he's adamant that we stay on this level and just strengthen my foundations while I'm stable. It's not 'strictly' therapy except when we discuss day-to-day events, but it is what I need, and it's part of the healing journey: ingraining these habits.
In other news, I discovered a massive mould growth on the back of our bedroom wardrobe. It's disgusting and I had to move the kids to the second bedroom, until Landlady gets back to me with a solution. I reckon just replace it since it's an IKEA model, and put some dehumidifying thingies in. The problem is I don't want to use our actual dehumidifier in that bedroom (even though it's the one that really needs it) because the dry air contributes to little boy's nosebleeds.
I haven't eaten in 7 hours cos I slept through a snack and a meal... I have to have dinner now.
Forgot to say. Husband as I said has had very mild symptoms and tested negative today. I've been testing and have been negative throughout, so all is well in our home, covid-wise.
2022-01-14.6:53 p.m.
<< | # ! ? ♥ | >>