I guess if anything the last post proves that even when I think I am doing well with regular eating, I am actually just a hair away from starting over. That whole post read so much like a whiny tantrum, something that teenage me would write while I was really in the depths of the illness. Refusing even a bite, rigid rules, attaching emotions to food, missing the meal that I told husband I wanted to eat on time.
I'm frustrated at the... slowness of recovery. I just want to get there already but whenever I feel like I've done well, something reminds me that, no, chick, you're actually further back than you think. I feel like I've ruined today, of all days.
I did get a whole body massage today though, so that was amazing. They put a super hot towel over me at the end, which was a surprise. I have received many professional massages but that was a first.
Tomorrow we're going to see Wicked. I hope husband and I make up before then.
2022-01-05.6:11 p.m.
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