I was surprised to hear that my family of origin did in fact go to Amsterdam. I heard about it from G who has facebook. She shared me my mum's status update via a screenshot. The infamous "I Amsterdam" sign at Schiphol Airport.
I panicked, because it came out of nowhere. My parents froze me out and didn't tell me about this. Plus they invited my brother, who I thought we were supposed to be having an intervention on. Now they're acting like BFFs.
We spoke on the phone right then and there. G is not up to date on what's happening with my FOO so I gave her the gist of it. It's something I've struggled with for a number of weeks now. My husband, as I may / may not have mentioned, is keen for me to fix things with my mother. I said that I know the best thing for me mentally is to go no-contact, but he's making me feel guilty about shutting that door. I even lied to her, to myself, and told her she's a good mum, even though it was against everything, all the hurt I felt. Just so I could get her on the same page about my brother's intervention.
I was crying so much on the other line. I said, I just feel like d is really pushing me to repair the relationship, but it hurts me to keep doing that. I don't know why I thought it would be different this time.
"It's really, really sad, kid, I know," she said. "But please, find some peace in what you did, which was right... It's very humiliating for someone to do that. You were humble, you listened to your husband and told her she was a good mum when that's against everything you experienced."
"It's like a slap in the face. It's like telling someone who's so crap at singing that they can go to Hollywood."
"While you're trying to help your family, you're shut out, you're invalidated. So why, why try again? She's not going to change even if you cry out blood. You exhausted all your resources. Don't spend sleepless nights now, find some peace within yourself knowing there isn't anything you haven't done to help the situation."
Today, my brother messaged me, to say my mother told him that the reason I'm upset with her is because I'm jealous that she prefers him over me. That he's the apple of her eye, and that she doesn't know what she did wrong.
I had to laugh at that. There's no way I'm jealous of him. But thanks for confirming that you do in fact have a favourite child. Great parenting.
She's making up this narrative again where she's the victim, not knowing what she did. How about literally reading the texts I sent, I never deleted them.
It's infuriating. I forwarded those messages to my dad. I hope that he at least listens to me and doesn't blank me the way she did. If I lose my dad too, I don't know what I'd do. I love him, I care about him so much. I respect him and could never bear not having him around. I can afford to lose my mother, but not him.
2022-05-04.7:09 p.m.
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