Too much socialising. The introvert in me is screaming out for attention. Listen to me, this isn't you. Yesterday, because of an impromptu sleepover at my house, the two mums were here from 9am - 2pm, and they were here around 9pm - 1am the night before. I'm a little drained. You know it's a lot when my own dear, patient husband even asked, When are they leaving?
I need time away from these women, all the conversations about other people... it's becoming toxic. I feel myself turning into someone ugly; my soul feels shame. I don't like it. It's a little difficult though when my kids really enjoy spending time with theirs. I might suggest an activity less centred around food, so that firstly I don't have to worry too much about that side of things, and secondly so we aren't so relaxed that all that happens is unhealthy chit-chat and gossip.
Booster jab today, sore arm. My therapist still hasn't confirmed what time tomorrow/ later we are meeting. I feel OK, you know. There is no real urgency for me to attend so soon, but I already missed last week because of my throat / cough, and our usual slot this weekend is impossible.
I reached a turning point in my thinking. I don't feel sorry for myself anymore, although of course there are things to work on still. I am just happy I am now able to appreciate what we, as a family, have, at this point. I messaged G about a 'present' that we got in the form of a text message, from someone. And she is right to point out, and so is J, that we are loved still. What happened was not a punishment, but a manifestation of concern for us. We are where we are supposed to be.
I can liken my husband to a farmer who arrived at a barren field. He did his part, sowed the seeds, built the infrastructure and put up scarecrows... so that the next farmer can then take on the work that he has the skills to do. Now it's time for us to focus on other things. And then maybe I will be well enough to help him this time around.
Many lessons need to be learned.
I drove some today and managed not to endanger my passengers. Success.
2021-12-23.12:45 a.m.
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